Time for an update

I suppose it is time to give an update on life in Trinidad. I am doing ok. I still am taking it day by day. We all do it, we just sometimes get ahead of ourselves. I'll have a couple of 'good' days, then something catches me off guard. One step forward, two steps back. Sometimes it seems more steps backwards. Eventually, I'll get caught up or ahead, until then...

I really should be blogging on what I am learning, not necessarily what I am teaching. My favorite line still is "He says my mom doesn't have her green card and she does." A lot of times, I feel like I am babysitting more than teaching. One class actually stopped someone in her tracks because they were so quiet - I relish those rare moments. It's tough. I just pray that I make it through the year without becoming hard.

As someone who does not journal on a regular basis (maybe once a year), I am jotting down my thoughts, feelings, life, and learning. I am also getting caught up on reading (that's also thanks to the required reading time at school). I highly recommend Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. I haven't finished it, but I am learning lots.

How's my sanity? Well, that was in question before the last six months happened. I have my own therapy:
1. God, prayer, and study.
2. My parents.
3. Being able to talk on the phone.
4. Facebook - keeping up with family & friends.
5. Facebook Flair - they are "buttons" to put on your page. Not all of them are appropriate, but there are many that make you laugh out loud. Sometimes I read them just to laugh.
6. Mashed potatoes. It has always been a comfort food for me and it still gives me quite a bit of comfort.
7. Ice cream & chocolate. Fortunately, I am not gaining weight, and I don't eat ice cream & chocolate that often.
8. Teaching? Well, I don't know if it is really helping my sanity, but it keeps me busy.
9. Tears. I think it if I kept them inside then I would float away. They also catch me off guard. If I let them flow, I have learned, then I will feel better faster.
10. Music. So many emotions and memories can be triggered by music. I am a big fan of Third Day's Revelation. It's all about love - God's love for us. I miss the variety of music channels that you can get in the bigger cities or on satellite. The best received channels I get are Christian music which is calming.
11. Sermons online. I am very greatful for this luxury and for the fact that I can download them. They make driving to and from the Springs a little shorter. Now, if I can find a way to take notes and drive...don't worry, I don't.

Trinidad is known not for the greatest things. It is a very artsy town too. It's quaint. I have my own nickname for it. I know I wouldn't feel this way under different circumstances. Thanks for reading.

34 years ago...

My mother brought me into this world. Ok, so my birthday is 1:16am tomorrow, but she was in labor at this time. I was looking forward to this birthday, but it will be bittersweet. 12 years ago, my Grandpa Simmon passed away. Since then, I don't look forward to my birthday. I am in the Springs, but I will be heading back to the Springs. Yet, I am blessed. I need to remind myself of the blessings that I have ~
*God loves me
*I am forgiven
*I have 2 wonderful parents
*I have incredible friends
*A church family
*My ECA family - I can still go back and be loved on.
*I have a job
*I have a place to lay my head
*I live in a free country - where I can worship openly and to vote
*The material things in life - DVR, Chick-fil-a, Internet
*Living only 2 hours away from home

First Snow in Trinidad

The picture of Fisher's Peak here in Trinidad. It snowed much of the day. It was too warm to stick, but cold enough to snow. My students were amazed at the snow.

I continue to take it day by day. Just when I think I am taking a step forward, I am hit with 2 steps back. I can't tell you why or what, it just happens.

My mom came down this weekend. It was rainy most of it, but we were still able to drive up the Highway of Legends to see the scenery. I do enjoy the fall colors.

My goal is to really laugh each day. Laughter is good medicine.

It's THE Day

Today, I was supposed to marry my best friend. Instead, I am hanging out with a few family members. I know a lot of people are praying for me as I have read on Facebook and received a few messages. I thank you for that.

Today has been very difficult. I woke up knowing what today was supposed to hold. I made it through breakfast and most of the morning ok. Then I went to to take a shower. For some reason, getting into the shower is one of the most difficult things I do. I guess the running water symbolizes the running of my emotions. I may have a tough exterior, but today, there has been none of that. A normally solid person has become very weak. I know that it is okay. It's very humbling.

11:00. Pictures were to begin...I was lying in bed, being comforted by my mom. 1:30, the wedding was to begin. I was eating lunch with my family. 2:00, the ceremony was to be wrapping up. I was watching the Stealth fly over the Air Force stadium. 4:30, pictures at the Broadmoor. It was raining and I was with my dad. I was feeling the rain inside of me. Now, instead of being a wife, I am again single. Yes, I was content being single, and, hopefully, I will again be content.

I just received a note from a dear lady that I admire. She sent me the verse, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It is the TRUTH. The funny thing is that was the main verse that Ryan and I clinged too. Now, I cling to it even more. I am not sure what the future holds, but God holds it for me, Ryan, his children, and even you.

I still hurt. It is grief. It's one of those happenings in life where it never happens to people you know. Unfortunately, and one day fortunately, it happened to me. I am not sure of the big picture and I may never know. I know I will be a stronger, but I am in the valley of weakness. Please keep me in your prayers. Also, pray for Ryan. This is a very open, honest blog entry. If you want honesty, you have it. If you don't, I am sorry, I am going to give it to you anyway. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; I just have to get to it.

Love,
Amy

Here's an update...

I am sorry that I haven't replied to the calls and emails. I am in hanging in there. I won't lie and say that I am fine. I am ok. I have glimmers of everything being good, then something triggers an emotion. I know that I will get through this. God is in control; He doesn't give us more than we can handle; He could be saving me from some greater pain. I do know this, but it still hurts. Life is going on, but there are moments when I need to be selfish and have a pity party. Please bear with me. My storybook romance has become, well, a nightmare. I do wish I could wake up and this be all over; but reality sets in. My life is a country song gone from bad to worse. I can quote many songs right now, including Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes." But there is hope as in Third Day's "Tunnel" and the oldie, but goodie, "Be Thine My Vision."

I am still living in Trinidad. I will be here until the end of the school year. I will be staying in the loft that we rented when I first moved. If you come through Trinidad, you do have a place to stop or stay. I have plenty of room now and I would love the company.

My students are my focus now. As talkative as they are, I am enjoying them. I do have some stories to tell. I am getting an education with some. I went to see a few boys play football. It's a small thing that I can do for them. Some of the girls are beginning volleyball so hopefully I can see them too.

I appreciate all that you have done for me. I wish I could respond to each email or call, but emotionally and physically, I cannot. There are times where I just can't talk. There are times I just have to cry. And, yes, I have laughed. Not a lot, but I have. I talked to a friend on the phone tonight, and as she said, I am the nice one and she is the very evil friend. She made me laugh which was good.

This weekend will be hard. What was supposed to be the happiest weekends of my life will now be one of the hardest. I am not sure of plans. I am not sure what I can or should do. Some friends and family are still coming in so it will be nice to see them. I will be at church again. Oh, church, a comfort place. I still need the hugs. I know this is not the most pleasant posting to read, but I needed to share where I am at. Keep in touch. Thanks again! God bless....Amy

The Wedding is Off

Here is an email that I sent this morning...

Dear Family and Friends,

It is with a heavy heart that I have to inform you that my marriage to Ryan has been callled off. There are many factors that have gone into this decision.

For those who have bought airline tickets, I pray that you can get your money refunded. For those who bought gifts, I will return them soon. Unfortunately, I have used some of them so I will refund you the money.

I am going to the Springs this weekend, but it will be for my sanity.

Thank you for all your support over these years. I have to remind myself that God has a bigger plan.

Love,
Amy

Yes, my life is on crack...

Well, that's at least what my friend, Michelle, told me. SO, if you haven't heard...

Last Friday, I was offered a 6th grade math and science teaching position at Trinidad Middle School. I interviewed in the morning then offered the job and accepted it that afternoon. I began this last Tuesday. Students start Sept. 2. I have been in meetings most of the week and trying to set up my classroom. It's not where I would like it, but it will have to do. The school had registration yesterday and I was able to meet some of my new students. I have 7 classes - advisory (we knew it as homeroom), 2 advanced math classes, 2 science classes, and 2 math skills class (extra help).

That brings us to the next question...where are you living? Well, last week, Ryan and I looked at a "loft." Most of us would refer to it as an apartment, but loft sounds much more urban. LOL. We tried to find a suitable house, but we really liked the loft. It is brand new, wood floors, vaulted ceilings, and convenient for all of us. It's in downtown Trinidad. I have the lofty goal to walk to Safeway at least once. By the way, the Safeway has the Starbucks. The loft is beautiful! We signed the lease on Wednesday and got the keys today. We are in the Springs tonight, pack tomorrow, I am going to Wendy's shower tomorrow afternoon, and then we are heading to Trinidad. Oh, yah, we also have to get Ryanna's flower girl shoes. Ryan got a trailer so we are going to load up my beds, clothes, and some other school stuff. TV viewing will be on the floor until we get the furniture. I loved staying with his grandparents, but it will be nice to be in my own place.

52 Days and Counting...

Well, the invitations have been ordered...awaiting for the email saying they have been shipped. I have been working on labels a little too much today. I am perfectionist! Ryan is finishing his list this week. Hopefully, we'll have the invitations by early next week so they can be out by the end of next week.

2 of the 3 bridesmaids have their dresses. The jr bridesmaid has been on vacation. I found one for Ryanna, which, of course, was on clearance and the David's Bridal here didn't have it. Once again, God provided it and less than I expected it, even with shipping. I ordered it and it now waits at my parent's house.

Flowers are ordered. Gerbera daisies in bright red, bright yellow, and bright orange. Amy Watson & I are thinking about how to decorate Leonard Hall...

The cake, well, is still in the wait-and-see category. Trying some more samples next week. Icing is the deal maker or breaker.

We are meeting with Rich on Friday to discuss the ceremony. We meet with Mark & Tricia for pre-marital counseling on Saturday.

Looking for tie/vest options too this weekend.

We are registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond & Walmart.

I am not sure when I am moving. I have applied for 2 different teaching positions in Trinidad. Haven't heard anything yet. We looked at houses down there last weekend. Still looking though. We are waiting for some other things to fall into place...

US Senior Open

Ryan, my dad, 2 nephews (Joshua & Jacob), and I went to the US Senior Open on Saturday and Sunday. Even though we baked (no sunburns though!), we had a great time. Jacob, being the brave 10 year old, got many of the golfers autographs, including the hard to get Greg Norman's. Here are the pictures that we had taken at the Lexus tent.

The Lord Answers Prayers...

The one question that Ryan & I constantly get is "Where are you going to live?" Well, we have not been able to give a solid answer until this week - Tuesday to be exact. I am moving to Trinidad, CO. Yup, you read that right! Due to budget cuts, I will not be teaching at ECA this year. Don't worry about it, this is the BIG picture that God has and an interesting way to answer the "where" question. ECA will always have a special place in my heart, but it is time for me to move on (literally too). I was talking to a wise man the other night and he reminded me that God IS IN CONTROL. And, then it dawned on me, that I was trying to control the living the situation. The wise man said that he could here it my voice a few weeks earlier, and I had to agree. Again, God reminded me of who is control - Him, not me. Remember, His plans are not always our plans. So...

Which brings me to this major announcement...Ryan and I have decided to move the wedding date to Saturday, October 4, 2008. What??? 1o weeks from July 26!!! YIKES!!!! Yup, since I am jobless and our relationship has been on the adventurous side, we decided, why not move it up? That means I am doing lots of planning in the next couple of weeks. Out of town guests, we will be letting you know about hotels very soon. And, for those who wanted to know (like my brothers), golfing will now be involved.

I am applying for a job down there. I am also looking at other options too. Still not sure when I'll be moving down there, but it won't be until September at the earliest.

Then there are the other questions I get so here are a few that I have some answers: "Where are you registered?" Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and in the next couple of days, Target and Walmart. "What are your colors?" Those are changing because of the season change (think fall for now). "What kind of flowers?" Again, changing because of the different time of year. If you have suggestions, I will take them. "Do you have your dress?" Yup. "Will knickers be worn?" Umm, the answer is still no! (Ryan has no say in this anymore, John Maday!)

If you think your head is in a spin, try being in mine or Ryan's. We know that God is working and we just have to trust Him.

The Little Man Turns 5

Eric turned 5 last week. I went down on Thursday for his birthday celebration. He got a set of golf clubs, range balls, and a golf glove. Eric was so excited to open the clubs!He also got a new Indiana Jones toy, a water gun, and a ping-pong gun (Ryan LOVES this).

Ryan gets off work early on Fridays so we decided to take a road trip. We knew where we were going, but not exactly the end destination. 100 miles out of Las Vegas, New Mexico, we decided to call my mom to tell her we were 100 miles outside of Vegas. She was stunned, upset, and couldn't think straight. We laughed really hard before we told her that we were in New Mexico. She was ready to kill us. Dad said he would have wired the money to us. :) The drive was one that Ryan drove with his other job. He had sent me pictures so he wanted to show my the real thing. The drive was beautiful and the weather was pleasant.

Well, we ended up in Taos. We enjoyed walking around the plaza looking at different things, including the people. Our first stop was what we called a door graveyard. It was cool, but a little spooky. We ate dinner at Michael's then went back to Trinidad.

On Saturday afternoon, we took Eric to the park to hit some balls and play around. So, this new merry-go-around is not as safe as it looks. I went off it backwards about the same place where Eric is right now. It was hilarious! It went much faster than we thought it would. Eric held on for dear life, but wanted to keep going. We also went to see Wall-E. Much better than I thought it would be. We saw it in an old theater in Trinidad.

Ryan and Neil (bestman) had a golf tournament Saturday and Sunday. They ended up in 5th plae of the championship flight. I rode around with them both days. It was a lot of fun. The weather was pretty much perfect for the rounds.

FYI, Ryanna was visiting cousins in Texas so she wasn't around, but she was missed!

Ryan meets the Siblings!

Over the 4th of July weekend, we traveled to Columbus, Ohio, for my annual Sibling Soiree. I have 3 older (half) siblings and they have another (half) sister so the 5 siblings plus families get together to catch up and let the 2nd generation hang out. Aunt Ryan and Uncle Jeff (the other sister and husband) were the hosts so we flew to Ohio.

It was a great weekend. The Texas Madays and us arrived Thursday while everyone else came after lunch on Friday. Justin, the oldest nephew, also brought his girlfriend, Kelli. It was nice to have another newbie there too. Ryan and Kelli both were grilled throughout the weekend.

Friday was a day of just talking and, of course, watching fireworks. This was also the time for the grilling of Ryan and Kelli.

On Saturday, we had family pics. I don't have any candids of Ryan and me yet. Then we had a family foto scavenger hunt at at local mall. It was a great time. Ryan and I lost, but I think it's because my family cheats! LOL. We also went mini-golfing. The 4 youngest nephews got to pick teams. Now, when you belong to a family of golfers, mini-golfing tends to be a little bit competitive. Joshua, Stephanie, Jennifer, and I were on 1 team. At the end of the round, my team lost, but I ended up with the overall lowest score. Jennifer got a score of 1 on the 18th hole so she won a t-shirt. That night, we watched Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Art in the Hilperts backyard.

The 2nd generation. Ages 8-24.

Ryan & I at Cheryl & Co. A Columbus cookie company.

Then on Sunday, we had brunch at The Worthington Inn. We all left that afternoon.

Jennifer, Greg, and John. AKA as the 1st litter

So, what did I learn about Ryan this weekend? He's pretty handy in the kitchen. Actually, I knew from a couple of weeks ago. But, since we stayed with Aunt Ryan and Jeff, we pitched in with kitchen duty. We would stay up each night cleaning from the day and cooking for the next day.

We also got some more wedding details hammered out. We changed a few things (like now the ceremony is at 1:30) and added some people to the ceremony (can't tell ya'll because we haven't asked them yet).

Amy takes Ryan to see Tim McGraw

The weekend was a good one. Ryan was able to come up on Friday night. He had never been inside the Broadmoor so we went there and walked around the lake. Then on Saturday, Ryan and my dad went golfing while my mom (MOB), Amy Watson (MOH), and I went wedding dress shopping. We did find one, but decided to sleep on it....then when we went Monday, it was gone. But don't worry, David's Bridal had it in Aurora so my dad and I picked it up on Tuesday. My size was discontinued so I couldn't order it online. God provided it in Aurora and at a big discount!!!

We had dinner with the Emarys and Casey/Dylan and Amy. Dad and Ryan went to get Bird Dog BBQ to make it easier. It was a wonderful evening. Ryan and Brooke became buddies while Dylan and I made up for lost time. (Dylan, I have a bruise on my arm, thank you very much!)

On Sunday, Ryan and I met with Bryan and Erika Counts. We enjoyed telling them our story. We then ventured up to Greeley to see Tim McGraw. If you don't know, I have seen Tim almost every year since 1995 (ok, if you're doing the math, it adds up to about 13 times). We had first row behind the standing area so we had good seats. He did a couple of new songs from his new album coming out later this summer/fall. Tim puts on a great show every time! It was very late by the time we got back to the Springs. But we talked the entire ride home so we were both pretty wide awake.

Tomorrow, we leave for Columbus, Ohio, to see my siblings and the other 1/2 sister. He's ready to be grilled again. ;)

For Those Who Want To Know...

His personal information: Name is Ryan Coberly and he is from Trinidad, CO. Yes, he is a Christian - Southern Baptist at that. He is divorced with 2 kids; Ryanna age 9 & Eric age 4. (Their mom lives in Trinidad; they split custody.) He works for a land surveying company.

Here is the scoop...Matched through eHarmony in the middle of April. I started communication at that time - just kind of flippantly; nothing will happen because he is probably like most guys here who are not members or don't do anything. We then went to daily emails for about 3 weeks. Then started texting on the cell phone, which I realized that the screen is too small and I was getting cramps in the fingers. Which that led to phone conversations. Eharmony suggests 15-20 minutes for the first phone conversation. Yeah, ours was about 1 1/2 hours. We would talk about anything and everything.

We met face to face on Saturday, May 24. He was coming up to get fitted for golf clubs so we went to dinner and mini-golf. He even was brave enough to spend the night with my parents that night. He and my dad played around a golf on Sunday morning. The 2 of us then went to the Rockies game on Sunday. Had a great time both outings.

He came back up the next weekend. We went to lunch on Saturday. I had to work Sat. night at JJill so he and dad went golfing again. He then spent the evening talking with my parents. We hung out after I got off work. He went to church with me on Sunday and survived that. We went to lunch with my parents and then we hung out again. Before he left town, he went and the "intentions" discussion with my parents. They are very happy for us.

I met his children on June 6. They all came up to get the new golf clubs. I wanted to meet the kids more on neutral ground. We had a great night. They even wanted to ride with me when we were going from place to place. We went mini-golfing, to Chick-fil-a for dinner, and then Maggie Moos for ice cream. They stayed with my parents. On Saturday, we went ring shopping. I gave the ideas and he got to pick it. I had permission to start planning the wedding, like booking the church, reception place, looking for a dress. You know, the big stuff!

I went to Trinidad on that Saturday too. The kids rode with me as I followed Ryan down I-25. By then, Ryan was getting a "complex" because his children wanted to be with me more than him. :0 I met his parents, brother, brother's finance, and his grandparents on Saturday night. We went for a drive up to Monument Lake - outside of Trinidad. He proposed with a ring pop. Of course, I said "yes!" On Sunday, I did go to church with him and the kids. It was great to meet the people who he works with and fellowship with. He was helping with a golf tournament so we played in that. He and I were on a team together. We did pretty well, but it was mostly Ryan's doing. We went out to dinner with his best guy friend and his family. It was good to talk with them.

Ryan and the kids came up this past weekend for the circus. It was a lot of fun! The kids spent the night with me at my house-sitting job. (Ryan was staying with my parents.) Ryan and I were watching Leno. He kept trying to hold my hand which I was I kind of resisting because I was comfortable the way I was sitting. He finally locked fingers with me and I thought I had taken off my other rings so I couldn't figure out what was rubbing against my finger. I finally looked down and saw the ring. The first thing out of my mouth was "When did you get this?" and then "Are you kidding me" a couple of times. He got down on his knees and asked again. Of course, I said "yes" or this blog would be wasted space.

We had stopped at Jared's that afternoon so he could find out how long it would take to put the diamond in the setting of a ring. I was in the kids play place with Ryanna & Eric so he could discuss it with the salesperson. Little did I know that he was picking up the ring. He had gone earlier that day to drop off the diamond. Oh by the way, the diamond was in a ring that my dad had. Ryanna and Eric are excited and fine with the engagement.

The girl who doesn't like surprises was pleasantly surprised. It was very spontaneous and wonderful. We are getting married Dec. 31, 2008. Plans are already in motion. Hopefully, a lot of it will be done by the time school starts.

We have seen God's hand in this so much! There are so many little stories that would take a long time to explain most of them. We are determined to keep God in the center of our relationship and our focus on Him. Nothing has been done without prayer and talking to each other. Our lives have intersected the last 8 years or so - he's refereed a couple of ECA basketball games. We laugh a lot! We talk on the phone daily and it amazes us that we don't run out of things to say.

I would like some prayer help! When you think about it, would you pray for us? We do know that our relationship has been very quick, but we feel like we have known each other for a very long time. Please pray that we would continue to put God first. Pray too that we would have discernment and wisdom when talking with people who may be happy for us, but have doubts (sorry if this offends you too). Pray for Ryan as he looks for a job - that the right one would come along. Pray for his kids (Ryanna & Eric) and me as we continue to build our relationships. It has been very natural so far, but we know that it always won't be easy.