Today, I was supposed to marry my best friend. Instead, I am hanging out with a few family members. I know a lot of people are praying for me as I have read on Facebook and received a few messages. I thank you for that.
Today has been very difficult. I woke up knowing what today was supposed to hold. I made it through breakfast and most of the morning ok. Then I went to to take a shower. For some reason, getting into the shower is one of the most difficult things I do. I guess the running water symbolizes the running of my emotions. I may have a tough exterior, but today, there has been none of that. A normally solid person has become very weak. I know that it is okay. It's very humbling.
11:00. Pictures were to begin...I was lying in bed, being comforted by my mom. 1:30, the wedding was to begin. I was eating lunch with my family. 2:00, the ceremony was to be wrapping up. I was watching the Stealth fly over the Air Force stadium. 4:30, pictures at the Broadmoor. It was raining and I was with my dad. I was feeling the rain inside of me. Now, instead of being a wife, I am again single. Yes, I was content being single, and, hopefully, I will again be content.
I just received a note from a dear lady that I admire. She sent me the verse, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It is the TRUTH. The funny thing is that was the main verse that Ryan and I clinged too. Now, I cling to it even more. I am not sure what the future holds, but God holds it for me, Ryan, his children, and even you.
I still hurt. It is grief. It's one of those happenings in life where it never happens to people you know. Unfortunately, and one day fortunately, it happened to me. I am not sure of the big picture and I may never know. I know I will be a stronger, but I am in the valley of weakness. Please keep me in your prayers. Also, pray for Ryan. This is a very open, honest blog entry. If you want honesty, you have it. If you don't, I am sorry, I am going to give it to you anyway. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; I just have to get to it.
Love,
Amy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
You're right. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Oh, Amy, I hate that you are going through this. I remember someone asking me how I dealt with it, and I said, "One excruciating moment at a time." I pray that the Lord will bless you and allow you to see a part of His glorious plan and why He is walking you through this someday. You are precious to Him, and your testimony is beautiful proof of that. :)
Post a Comment