34 years ago...

My mother brought me into this world. Ok, so my birthday is 1:16am tomorrow, but she was in labor at this time. I was looking forward to this birthday, but it will be bittersweet. 12 years ago, my Grandpa Simmon passed away. Since then, I don't look forward to my birthday. I am in the Springs, but I will be heading back to the Springs. Yet, I am blessed. I need to remind myself of the blessings that I have ~
*God loves me
*I am forgiven
*I have 2 wonderful parents
*I have incredible friends
*A church family
*My ECA family - I can still go back and be loved on.
*I have a job
*I have a place to lay my head
*I live in a free country - where I can worship openly and to vote
*The material things in life - DVR, Chick-fil-a, Internet
*Living only 2 hours away from home

First Snow in Trinidad

The picture of Fisher's Peak here in Trinidad. It snowed much of the day. It was too warm to stick, but cold enough to snow. My students were amazed at the snow.

I continue to take it day by day. Just when I think I am taking a step forward, I am hit with 2 steps back. I can't tell you why or what, it just happens.

My mom came down this weekend. It was rainy most of it, but we were still able to drive up the Highway of Legends to see the scenery. I do enjoy the fall colors.

My goal is to really laugh each day. Laughter is good medicine.

It's THE Day

Today, I was supposed to marry my best friend. Instead, I am hanging out with a few family members. I know a lot of people are praying for me as I have read on Facebook and received a few messages. I thank you for that.

Today has been very difficult. I woke up knowing what today was supposed to hold. I made it through breakfast and most of the morning ok. Then I went to to take a shower. For some reason, getting into the shower is one of the most difficult things I do. I guess the running water symbolizes the running of my emotions. I may have a tough exterior, but today, there has been none of that. A normally solid person has become very weak. I know that it is okay. It's very humbling.

11:00. Pictures were to begin...I was lying in bed, being comforted by my mom. 1:30, the wedding was to begin. I was eating lunch with my family. 2:00, the ceremony was to be wrapping up. I was watching the Stealth fly over the Air Force stadium. 4:30, pictures at the Broadmoor. It was raining and I was with my dad. I was feeling the rain inside of me. Now, instead of being a wife, I am again single. Yes, I was content being single, and, hopefully, I will again be content.

I just received a note from a dear lady that I admire. She sent me the verse, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It is the TRUTH. The funny thing is that was the main verse that Ryan and I clinged too. Now, I cling to it even more. I am not sure what the future holds, but God holds it for me, Ryan, his children, and even you.

I still hurt. It is grief. It's one of those happenings in life where it never happens to people you know. Unfortunately, and one day fortunately, it happened to me. I am not sure of the big picture and I may never know. I know I will be a stronger, but I am in the valley of weakness. Please keep me in your prayers. Also, pray for Ryan. This is a very open, honest blog entry. If you want honesty, you have it. If you don't, I am sorry, I am going to give it to you anyway. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; I just have to get to it.

Love,
Amy

Here's an update...

I am sorry that I haven't replied to the calls and emails. I am in hanging in there. I won't lie and say that I am fine. I am ok. I have glimmers of everything being good, then something triggers an emotion. I know that I will get through this. God is in control; He doesn't give us more than we can handle; He could be saving me from some greater pain. I do know this, but it still hurts. Life is going on, but there are moments when I need to be selfish and have a pity party. Please bear with me. My storybook romance has become, well, a nightmare. I do wish I could wake up and this be all over; but reality sets in. My life is a country song gone from bad to worse. I can quote many songs right now, including Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes." But there is hope as in Third Day's "Tunnel" and the oldie, but goodie, "Be Thine My Vision."

I am still living in Trinidad. I will be here until the end of the school year. I will be staying in the loft that we rented when I first moved. If you come through Trinidad, you do have a place to stop or stay. I have plenty of room now and I would love the company.

My students are my focus now. As talkative as they are, I am enjoying them. I do have some stories to tell. I am getting an education with some. I went to see a few boys play football. It's a small thing that I can do for them. Some of the girls are beginning volleyball so hopefully I can see them too.

I appreciate all that you have done for me. I wish I could respond to each email or call, but emotionally and physically, I cannot. There are times where I just can't talk. There are times I just have to cry. And, yes, I have laughed. Not a lot, but I have. I talked to a friend on the phone tonight, and as she said, I am the nice one and she is the very evil friend. She made me laugh which was good.

This weekend will be hard. What was supposed to be the happiest weekends of my life will now be one of the hardest. I am not sure of plans. I am not sure what I can or should do. Some friends and family are still coming in so it will be nice to see them. I will be at church again. Oh, church, a comfort place. I still need the hugs. I know this is not the most pleasant posting to read, but I needed to share where I am at. Keep in touch. Thanks again! God bless....Amy